Best Hilarious Parenting Books for Moms and Dads in 2026

Updated June 18, 2026

Quick Buying Guide

Parenting books are easiest to finish when they are useful, honest and a little funny. This guide is best for tired parents who want reassurance, perspective and practical ideas without feeling judged.

Best funny pickBooks that make new parents feel less alone.
Best practical pickSimple advice for sleep, routines, communication and expectations.
Best gift pickLight, readable books for baby showers or new-parent care packages.
Best for dadsRelatable books that include fathers and co-parents in the everyday work.

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If your first baby drops his/her pacifier, you sterilize it. And, if you second baby drops his/her pacifier then you tell your dog, ‘GO FETCH!’. These hilarious parenting books offer many such funny, wise and practical insights to parenthood. Parenting is not easy but it is still a wonderful journey and a bliss. Also, we have to understand that there are millions of other parents who are struggling to cope with their new challenging role of a parent. These hilarious parenting books will make us realize how common and silly our parenting problems are.

Role of parents changes continuously, as the environment in which kids grow up evolves constantly. Appropriate baby books covering related topics can be extremely beneficial for any parent invested in achieving a satisfying role of a caretaker and guide. These funny parenting books will give exhausted new parents something to smile about and also help to bring back or maintain positivity. You might also be interested in our posts on best parenting audiobooks and amazing parenting books on kindle. Here are some of the best hilarious parenting books that will help you lift your spirits and feel good about your choices in life.

Best Hilarious Parenting Books: Quick Comparison

Start here if you are buying for a tired new parent, a dad, a mom friend, or yourself. The full list below includes more funny parenting books, but these picks cover the most common search and gift situations.

PickBest readerWhy it worksGift noteLink
Best for new parentsThe Sh!t No One Tells YouNew moms and dadsHonest first-year reassurance with enough humor for sleep-deprived readers.Good for close friends who appreciate candid baby-stage advice.Buy On Amazon
Best bedtime satireGo the F**k to SleepExhausted parentsA quick, funny gift book built around the absurdity of bedtime.Profanity-heavy; best for parents whose humor you know.Buy On Amazon
Best for toddler parentsToddlers Are A**holesParents in the toddler yearsRelatable toddler-stage humor for parents who need comic relief.Better for friends than formal baby-shower gifting.Buy On Amazon
Best funny relationship bookHow Not to Hate Your Husband After KidsCouples after babyPairs humor with practical perspective on household load and partnership.Thoughtful for close friends, not a generic registry gift.Buy On Amazon
Best funny dad giftI'm Sorry...Love, Your HusbandDads and co-parentsFunny, self-aware parenting stories from a father of three.Easy Father's Day or new-dad add-on gift.Buy On Amazon
Best motherhood humorCat and Nat's Mom TruthsMoms who like candid essaysLight, confessional motherhood humor with giftable appeal.Good for moms who enjoy social-media style honesty.Buy On Amazon
Best practical/funny mixHow to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your KidsParents wanting useful adviceA more practical option for parents who want calmer routines, not just jokes.Helpful when the reader asked for advice-oriented books.Buy On Amazon

Gift tip: funny parenting books can be personal. Check the sample, profanity level and tone before gifting, especially for baby showers or coworkers.

Hilarious Parenting Books: Quick Picks

Best for exhausted new parents

The Sh!t No One Tells You

Best bedtime satire

Go the F**k to Sleep

Best for toddler parents

Toddlers Are A**holes

Best funny relationship book

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

Best motherhood humor

Cat and Nat's Mom Truths

Best funny gift for dads

I'm Sorry...Love, Your Husband

How these funny parenting books were selected

The shortlist favors books where parenting humor is central, gives moms, dads and new parents a mix of memoir, satire and practical advice, and avoids padding the list with general parenting manuals that are not primarily funny.

Note: humor and profanity levels vary. Check the description or sample before buying as a gift.

Our Top Picks of Most Hilarious Parenting Books

The Joys of Raising Boys: the Good, the Bad, and the Hilarious

4.9/5

Have you ever laughed, slapped your forehead and thought, “What the heck is wrong with these boys?” If this is you, you’re not alone. Whether they are whacking themselves in the head, asking inappropriate questions, or playing with their body parts, boys often can be flabbergasting. Author and communication studies professor Diane Auten understands. As a mother of two crazy boys, she understands firsthand how parents, teachers, or caregivers to boys are often confused about how to relate to them; but it doesn’t have to be this way. We can have more fun and connective relationships with our boys, if we learn how to start early. Using hilarious situations from her own sons’ lives, Diane gives you a glimpse into the world of raising boys and how to improve your relationships with them. Readers of 

This funny baby book, Joys of Raising Boys, will laugh while discovering how boys: · learn, explore, and talk about body parts · make sense of relationships and love · view life circumstances · use their untamable imagination This is a “Mom-oir” that looks at what happens when the filters are turned off. From boys wondering when they’re going to get “hairballs on their tenders” to running up and down the crowded department store aisles celebrating a particularly good poop, The Joys of Raising Boys: The Good, the Bad, and the Hilarious takes a look at the gritty (and frequently jaw dropping) business of raising boys.

Toddlers Are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault

4.7/5

At last, the book that answers the question on every parent’s mind: Why does my toddler hate me?

Okay, it’s not really hate. It’s just that a little psychopath who walks through life 100% convinced that he or she is the center of the universe does not care that you have a heart, a mind, or a soul. You are simply a skin-covered robot tall enough to reach the candy on top of the fridge. And clean up the rage-vomit when you make the fatal mistake of cutting off the crust on your toddler’s toast. (Or not cutting it off—seriously, you can’t win.)

Parents will surely find many relatable experiences in this hilarious book.

Includes:

  • The theory of toddler evolution
  • Mealtime (AKA Hell)
  • Your unraveling life
  • And how not to die inside

How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids

4.5/5

How Not To Hate Your Husband After Kids tackles the last taboo subject of parenthood: the startling, white-hot fury that new (and not-so-new) mothers often have for their mates. After Jancee Dunn had her baby, she found that she was doing virtually all the household chores, even though she and her husband worked equal hours. She asked herself: How did I become the ‘expert’ at changing a diaper?

Many expectant parents spend weeks researching the best crib or safest car seat, but spend little if any time thinking about the titanic impact the baby will have on their marriage – and the way their marriage will affect their child.

Enter Dunn, her well-meaning but blithely unhelpful husband, their daughter, and her boisterous extended family, who show us the ways in which outmoded family patterns and traditions thwart the overworked, overloaded parents of today.

On the brink of marital Armageddon, Dunn plunges into the latest relationship research, solicits the counsel of the country’s most renowned couples’ and sex therapists, canvasses fellow parents, and even consults an FBI hostage negotiator on how to effectively contain an “explosive situation.” Instead of having the same fights over and over, Dunn and her husband must figure out a way to resolve their larger issues and fix their family while there is still time. As they discover, adding a demanding new person to your relationship means you have to reevaluate — and rebuild — your marriage. In an exhilarating twist, they work together to save the day, happily returning to the kind of peaceful life they previously thought was the sole province of couples without children.

Go the F**k to Sleep

4.7/5

Go the F*** to Sleep is a bedtime book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don’t always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, California Book Award-winning author Adam Mansbach’s verses perfectly capture the familiar–and unspoken–tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night. In the process, they open up a conversation about parenting, granting us permission to admit our frustrations, and laugh at their absurdity.

With illustrations by Ricardo Cortes, Go the F*** to Sleep is beautiful, subversive, and pants-wettingly funny–a book for parents new, old, and expectant. You probably should not read it to your children.

The Sh!t No One Tells You: A Guide to Surviving Your Baby's First Year

4.2/5

The Sh!t No One Tells You is a funny guide to the first year of motherhood, filled with helpful advice and wisdom from real moms and dads who aren’t at all afraid to tell it like it is.

There comes a time in every new mother’s life when she finds herself staring at her screaming, smelly “bundle of joy” and wishing someone had told her that her house would reek of vomit, or that she shouldn’t buy the cute onesies with a thousand impossible buttons, or that she might cry more than the baby.

Best-selling author Dawn Dais, mother of two tiny terrors, is convinced that there is a reason for this lack of preparedness. She believes that a vast conspiracy exists to hide the horrific truth about parenting from doe-eyed expectant mothers who might otherwise abandon their babies in hospitals and run for it. Eschewing the adorableness that oozes out of other parenting books, Dais offers real advice from real moms-along with hilarious anecdotes, clever tips, and the genuine encouragement every mom needs in order to survive the first year of parenthood. The Sh!t No One Tells You is a must-have fun companion for every new mother’s sleepless nights and poop-filled days. New parents will find this guide book quite helpful and absolutely hilarious.

4.4/5

If you feel like your kids are killing you, you’ve come to the right place. This irreverant, hilarious guide to the trials of motherhood makes the perfect gift for mom—or any woman with a huge heart and a mouth that sometimes needs washing out with soap.

Attention all potty-mouthed, cheap-wine-drinking mothers: Prepare to meet your match. Any bad thought you’ve had about your kids, Nicole Knepper has had worse. Much worse. It’s not that she doesn’t love her kids. It’s that she understands what a mind-f*?% it can be to try to civilize those wild little beasts.

Based on her hugely popular Facebook page, “Moms Who Drink and Swear,” this book reveals why family dinners are like herpes, how to avoid smashing toys that are being fought over, and the joy of hearing that your son has murdered his imaginary friend. As Nicole rants and raves about caring for children (without crushing their souls), family togetherness (without too many tears), the saving grace of girlfriends (and vodka), and love and marriage (and all the baggage that goes with them), she gets to the heart of what every exasperated mom is thinking, just much funnier.

4.7/5

He may not win Father of the Year, but Clint Edwards has won the hearts of thousands― including the New York Times, Scary Mommy and Good Morning America―thanks to his candor and irreverence when it comes to raising kids, being married and learning from his mistakes.

Clint has three children: Tristan (the know it all), Norah (the snarky princess), and Aspen (the worst roommate ever). He describes parenting as “a million different gears turning in a million different directions, all of them covered in sour milk.” In this inspiring and unconventional book of essays, he sheds light on the darker yet hilarious side of domestic life.

Owning up to all his mishaps and dumbassery, Edwards shares essays on just about every topic fellow spouses and parents can appreciate, including: stupid things he’s said to his pregnant wife, the trauma of taking a toddler shopping, revelations on buying a minivan and the struggle to not fight the nosy neighbor (who is five years old).

Clint’s funny, heartwarming account of the terrifying yet completely rewarding life of a parent is a breath of fresh air. Each essay in I’m Sorry…Love, Your Husband will have you thinking finally, someone gets it.

The Three of Us: A Brutally Honest, Often Hilarious, and Sometimes Heartbreaking Memoir of One Mom’s Adventures in Single Parenting (The Single Mom Series)

4.7/5

If you are a single parent and have ever felt overwhelmed, exhausted, or just downright ready to quit, you just picked up the right book! The Three of Us is one mom’s hilarious and inspirational story of single parent life. Nothing is held back in this brutally honest look at the ups and downs that can come after the divorce papers are signed. Loneliness? Financial ruin? Your ex has a new “friend”? Principal’s office? It’s all part of this mom’s ride. With side splitting humor, cringeworthy honesty, and motivational tips and advice, this book will feel like a much needed night out with a best friend. This mom holds nothing back and will leave you feeling heard, understood, and empowered on your single parent journey!

Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right

4.5/5

Worried about potty training? Let Jamie Glowacki, potty-training expert, show you how it’s done. Her 6-step, proven process to get your toddler out of diapers and onto the toilet has already worked for tens of thousands of kids and their parents. Here’s the good news: your child is probably ready to be potty trained EARLIER than you think (ideally, between 20–30 months), and it can be done FASTER than you expect (most kids get the basics in a few days—but Jamie’s got you covered even if it takes a little longer). If you’ve ever said to yourself:

** How do I know if my kid is ready?
** Why won’t my child poop in the potty?
** How do I avoid “potty power struggles”?
** How can I get their daycare provider on board?
** My kid was doing so well—why is he regressing?
** And what about nighttime?!

Oh Crap! Potty Training – a funny parenting book can solve all of these (and other) common issues. This isn’t theory, you’re not bribing with candy, and there are no gimmicks. This is real-world, from-the-trenches potty training information—all the questions and all the ANSWERS you need to do it once and be done with diapers for good.

How to Traumatize Your Children: 7 Proven Methods to Help You Screw Up Your Kids Deliberately and with Skill

4.7/5

Sarcasm!! Parents of the world rejoice! Knock Knock’s bestselling How to Traumatize Your Children has been revamped with all-new totally dysfunctional illustrations. This groundbreaking instructional parenting book teaches you how to give your children the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage. Whether you employ the same ruinous techniques your parents used or try out an entirely new approach, you are bound to succeed!

How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent

4.7/5

Drawing on evidence-based practices, here is an insight-packed and tip-filled plan for how to stop the parental meltdowns. Its compassionate, pragmatic approach will help readers feel less ashamed and more empowered to get their, ahem, act together instead of losing it.

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be A-Holes: Unfiltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids

4.8/5

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes is a hilariously honest parenting guide written by a regular mom who doesn’t always know WTF she’s doing. Just like you.

Featuring side-splittingly funny pictures, stories, and chapters like:

  • You Are Not Your Kiddo’s Servant
  • Picasso’s Mom Didn’t Tell Him to Draw the Eyes in the Right Place
  • Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Cost Thousands in Therapy
  • If They Say “I Hate You,” Then You’re Probably Doing It Right

Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes will make you laugh, cry, laugh until you cry, and feel like you’re having coffee (and a little sumpin’ in it) with a best friend who has some of the answers to THE hardest job on earth: parenting. And maybe, just maybe, it might help you get the a-hole out of your kids*

Crappy Parenting: An Illustrated Guide

4.8/5

Parenting is hard. Babies poop, kids are messy and they never seem to want to eat the meal you spent an hour cooking, even though it was their favorite last week. Yes, parenting is hard, but sometimes you just have to laugh about it. Because if you don’t laugh, you might just cry.

In this laugh-out-loud funny book for parents, Amber Dusick uses crappy pictures to illustrate the highs and lows of raising a little human. Covering topics from sleeping to eating to pooping and playing, this is the comprehensive guide to parenting you never knew you needed.

The Inappropriate Baby Book: Gross and Embarrassing Memories from Baby's First Year

4.6/5

Any parent who’s been through the rigors of an infant invasion knows that the real poop, er, scoop, rarely gets recorded in those precious little keepsake books. After all, those books don’t cover all the really gross and fascinating stuff that makes parents laugh, scream, and scratch their heads. The Inappropriate Baby Book, however, has the good stuff covered. A real baby book for real parents, The Inappropriate Baby Book offers a unique and hysterical way to commemorate those decidedly non-Kodak moments that compose the better part of the newborn experience. Herein, you’ll find room to record such facts as:You were introduced to a rectal thermometer on this day: _______.The first person you peed on was _______.Your mom was embarrassed by breast leakage in the following places: _________.Your first poop happened on this day: _______, and was this color: _________.Now, that’s the kind of information that should not be lost to posterity!Sure, babies are cute, but they are also stinky, sticky, soggy, and otherwise inappropriate. So don’t sugarcoat the story-let The Inappropriate Baby Book help you tell it like it really is. This funny parenting book includes an envelope affixed to the last page so that an inappropriate memento can be saved forever. (Or at least until the little angel’s prom night!)

Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child

4.7/5

This isn’t a book about overachieving at parenting. 

This isn’t even a book about achieving exactly the right amount. 

This is a fun parenting book about doing as little as possible without quite ruining your child. 

Overachieving parents want you to believe the harder you work, the better your kid will turn out. That lie ends now. 

The truth is most kids end up remarkably unremarkable no matter what you do, so you might as well achieve mediocrity by the easiest possible route. The goal of “bare minimum parenting” is to turn your child into a functional adult with only a fraction of the effort spent by super moms and dads. 

If you do it right, your kid will be no better or worse off than their kids, but with more free time left for you. That’s more valuable than all the participation trophies in the world.

In Bare Minimum Parenting, amateur parenting expert James Breakwell will teach you to stop worrying and embrace your child’s destiny as devastatingly average. To get there, you’ll have to overcome your kid, other parents, and yourself, all of whom will push you to do more than is absolutely necessary. Honestly, by reading this far, you’re already trying too hard. But don’t stop now. You’re exactly the kind of person who needs this baby book.

Why Some Animals Eat Their Young: A Survivor's Guide to Motherhood

4.5/5

“Earthy, matter-of-fact, and simply hilarious.”—Midwest Book Review

When Dallas Louis decided that all she wanted was to meet and marry her Prince Charming and become a mom, she had no idea what was in store for her. But she would soon find out. After only seven months of dating the love of her life, she married him, and within the course of twenty-six months, she gave birth to three children. Her husband knew her longer pregnant than not pregnant!

In this hilarious parenting book, Dallas shares highlights of what happened in her world once all her dreams came true. She would like readers to find comfort in knowing they aren’t the only ones suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or buyer’s remorse. And, yes, it’s okay to admit that both of these conditions apply to parenting, though hopefully not all the time.

Channeling Erma Bombeck, Dallas will tell you the things your friends won’t and the things other books are too afraid to print. With her irreverent humor and brash “tell it like it is” style, she’ll help you laugh at everyday situations, easing the pressure of the toughest job in the world: being a mom.

How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--from Tots to Teens

4.3/5

How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes is a clear, actionable, sometimes humorous (but always science-based) guide for parents on how to shape their kids into honest, kind, generous, confident, independent, and resilient people…who just might save the world one day.

As an award-winning science journalist, Melinda Wenner Moyer was regularly asked to investigate and address all kinds of parenting questions: how to potty train, when and whether to get vaccines, and how to help kids sleep through the night. But as Melinda’s children grew, she found that one huge area was ignored in the realm of parenting advice: how do we make sure our kids don’t grow up to be assholes?

On social media, in the news, and from the highest levels of government, kids are increasingly getting the message that being selfish, obnoxious and cruel is okay. Hate crimes among children and teens are rising, while compassion among teens has been dropping. We know, of course, that young people have the capacity for great empathy, resilience, and action, and we all want to bring up kids who will help build a better tomorrow. But how do we actually do this? How do we raise children who are kind, considerate, and ethical inside and outside the home, who will grow into adults committed to making the world a better place?

How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes is a deeply researched, evidence-based primer that provides a fresh, often surprising perspective on parenting issues, from toddlerhood through the teenage years. First, Melinda outlines the traits we want our children to possess–including honesty, generosity, and antiracism–and then she provides scientifically-based strategies that will help parents instill those characteristics in their kids. Learn how to raise the kind of kids you actually want to hang out with–and who just might save the world.

Cat and Nat's Mom Truths: Embarrassing Stories and Brutally Honest Advice on the Extremely Real Struggle of Motherhood

5/5

Mixing memoir, humor, and advice, Cat and Nat tell never-before-told stories about the stress, guilt, joy, and laundry (oh the laundry!) of being a mom in their first book. With seven kids between them and millions of fans on social media, they get real about the parts of parenting that somehow don’t make the Instagram feed. Sharing their outrageous humor, fearless myth-busting, and genuine comfort on every page, they walk you from pregnancy to the toddler years and beyond. And they dole out ridiculously honest advice, like what you think you need at the hospital when you have your first baby (lip gloss) versus what you actually need (hemorrhoid pillow), and how worried you should really be about germs (less than you are). Fearless crusaders against the perfection myth and all the gluten-free, sugar-free baking it entails, Cat and Nat assure you that you’re already doing a great job, making this an essential companion for moms everywhere.

Hilarious best friends Cat and Nat created a massive online community of moms by sharing their ultra-real and just a bit R-rated dispatches from the mom trenches. From what not to eat a few days after giving birth (chicken wings) to the most effective ways to dodge post-partum sex, Cat & Nat’s Mom Truths shares everything no one will tell you about having kids.

Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

4.8/5

It’s not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed. And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay.


There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That’s hell on earth, even without the zombies.

Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us.

Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs.

This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won’t change at the end of the world. There’s no reason you can’t be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it.

If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best–and only–chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don’t read this book, your children will die.

We're Parents! The New Dad Book for Baby's First Year: Everything You Need to Know to Survive and Thrive Together

4.7/5

A new dad’s guide, from birth day to birthday.

The pregnancy’s over and the baby’s here…what’s a dad supposed to do? Put your other new dad books away―We’re Parents! is going to help you be the best dad (and partner) you can be.

Wondering how to burp your newborn? Not sure how to get them to try solids? Desperate to get them to sleep? Adrian Kulp (a four-time dad himself) offers fast, fun, and easy-to-digest advice that other new dad books don’t, making it simple for you to step up and do your part as a brand-new dad.

Go beyond most new dad books:

  • Supportive and helpful―Get the scoop on what it’s like to be a father from someone who’s been there and knows exactly what you need to hear.
  • Quick advice―Key childcare tips are broken into short, convenient guides―unlike other new dad books, there’s no reading an entire textbook just to change a diaper.
  • The big moments―Track your baby’s development at a glance with charts that lay out the most important milestones in one place.

Who needs other new dad books when you have the expert guidance of We’re Parents! at hand?

Parenting The Sh*t Out Of Life: For people who happen to be parents (or might be soon)

4.8/5

This is not a regular parenting book that will help you grow (or raise) a human successfully. But this is a hilarious book that might, if you’re not too emotionally battered – and can see through the permanent eye twitch – help you laugh a little more than you cry. But that’s not guaranteed. Nothing is really guaranteed as a nurturer of the small people.

Here is one couple’s take on the horrors and humor of modern parenting told from his side and hers: honest, sad and laugh-out-loud funny. From deciding to try for a baby to the harrowing realities of miscarrying, from pregnancy and labor to bringing baby home and trying to reconcile the old life with the new – this hilarious baby book will speak to anyone with a small human of their own or hoping to take that fateful step.

The Mama Sutra: Ancient Positions and Practices to Soothe the Modern Baby

4.8/5

A charming illustrated hilarious guide to burping, stimulating, and soothing your baby–so you can keep your sanity while helping your infant find inner peace.

The Mama Sutra is an essential parenting handbook to more than forty methods to calm fussiness, encourage bowel movements, and (the holy grail) help everyone get back to sleep. Meet the Lucky Rabbit, the Drunk Monk, the Spraying Mantis, and other time-tested and scientifically proven ways to help your baby feel better, developed with help from experts in the ancient art of holistic healing. Whether your little one is experiencing reflux, colic, constipation, or something you can’t quite identify, the simple and fun positions, holds, and massages in this adorable illustrated guide present solutions to soothe them, one beneficial pose at a time. You will become your baby’s own enlightened guru.

How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else that Might Happen on an Average Tuesday

4.7/5

The parenting humorist behind the viral Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn and author of Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse presents the long-awaited guide to surviving everything else

In the era of instant parent shaming and viral hot takes, some questions are too dangerous to ask out loud: What’s the proper first aid for my toddler’s vampire bite? What should I do if I take a wrong turn on the way to soccer practice and end up in the Cretaceous Period? How can I fend off Godzilla without disrupting my child’s nap?

Fortunately, there’s now a parenting resource that answers those burning questions and many more.

Professional comedy writer and amateur father James Breakwell’s latest book tackles more than 90 survival challenges ordinary parents might encounter in their everyday lives, including:

  • How to protect your child against tigers, penguins, mastodons, and other animals found in the suburbs.
  • How to defeat ghosts, gremlins, mummies, and any other supernatural force that might prevent you from getting your kid to bed on time.
  • How to survive crashing horses, trains, hot air balloons, and other vehicles you might find in the carpool lane.

This is an essential guide for anyone who has children, might have children someday, or is vaguely aware children exist.

This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store: Unapologetic Admissions from a Non-Contender for Mother of the Year (Tales of Imperfection)

4.2/5

In this hilarious start to her Tales of Imperfection series, Amanda Turner reveals the thoughts and feelings every mother has thought at some point specifically, ”I need a drink.” She revels in her imperfect approach to motherhood while sharing raucous accounts of her misadventures in parenting, and is unafraid when it comes to discussing the mistakes new mothers can make while trying to raise their kids to not be serial killers. The infused second edition of this ”momoir,” This Little Piggy Went to the Liquor Store, will keep you laughing as you pour yourself another cocktail.

The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting

4.5/5

As seen on Good Morning America, the irreverent, bracingly honest, and “awfully funny” (The Boston Globe) satirical parenting guide from the Internet’s most infamous tot, whose unchecked sense of entitlement and undeniable charm have captivated hundreds of thousands of fans.

Are you the confused parent of a toddler?

Are you constantly disappointing the 2T in your life?

Are you tired, stressed out, and looking for relief?

I can’t help you with that last one, but if you want to become an A+ servant to your small child, this book is for you. Who better to teach you about toddlers than another toddler? In this book you’ll learn:

• How time-outs make you look like a fool

• Why potty training is not only unnecessary but unrealistic for children under eighteen

• Why toddler beds are OUT and letting your child sleep on the diagonal in your bed is IN

• The best way to apologize to your toddler for all of those Pinterest casseroles

• That when you love someone, you accept them as they are, pants or no pants

The hard-hitting knowledge in The Honest Toddler will save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary whole grains and toothbrushes.